Blog 2- My first failure

Where do I even begin? When I got accepted into college, when I decided to pursue biology in the first place? When did I decide that I wanted to go to university?

Let me start maybe around fifth or sixth grade, when I first watched Dr. McStuffin, that show, especially on Dish Latino, was the best to watch. Seeing her revive and fix toys that anyone would have considered goners was probably the first time I genuinely enjoyed any type of medicine.

As the years started to go on, I realized that school was not that hard; being top of my class even in middle school was definitely easy. As the years went on, even in high school, it was not too challenging until I decided to take multiple AP classes, which is when it started to get difficult.

During the hardest year, I decided to venture into my first relationship I have always been extremely shy and introverted, and due to me being the new kid in high school right after the pandemic, it hit me, I was the perfect target.

I admit it, sometimes too fast for people, sometimes not at all, that my first boyfriend sexually assaulted me. I am ashamed, and for a very long time, I felt disgusting. Due to being in a conservative family, I was nothing but restricted, curfewed, and not even allowed to talk about men because I lost my virginity before marriage.

I think that is when the split happened...

Definitely, this is when I decided I wanted to be a doctor, or at least what started the spark, right before the assault, learned about a cool topic in biology, and it hooked me. CRISPR and the assault, and the same caused me to heavily focus on being the best, and while I did not even get close to an Ivy League, I did well.

I never really gave myself a chance to process what happened, and instead decided that it was best that I only focus on proving my parents, everyone in school, not that many even found out, but again I was told that I was automatically the slut and the whore for getting taken advantage of for being easy for loving too hard and too fast. I will dedicate a whole series to what I think is wrong with me, but that is for another series.

Anyways, volunteering, associated student body, standardized tests, decathlon, tutoring, studying for AP exams, college essays, and AP classes materials. EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR TWO YEARS, I was shocked I did not go insane. I do want to thank my parents for putting up with that side of me, exhausted, angry, resentful, and overall unappreciative, something I am currently struggling with.

I received which colleges I was admitted to, and overall, I was super burnt out but proud of myself, scholarship program, etc., but I will end this part here. Definitely did not go into depth when it came to my only actual relationship, but that is when my self-worth took such a big hit, and recently it took another one. Once again, getting ahead of myself, but to go back in time was body shamed, forced into having sex, did not ask for consent, forgave him due to my conservative upbringing, and believing I could make it work, but the individual left soon after getting sex. But hey, I became a workaholic that was friendless, hobbyless, and overall mad with life, no matter how hard I tried to stop.

-The Mentally Ill Pre-Med